Summer has always been a busy time of year for us. Aside from getting out and enjoying the warm weather we have always done a lot of fishing and camping.
When I say we went camping I'm mean real camping as in a tent, sleeping on the ground, building fires to cook over the whole ball of wax. It was straight back to nature for us. My husband and daughter have mentioned several times how they would like to go camping again this summer. She starts back to school in about a week and we have not been yet. I know this is due to the fact that they don't know what to do with me. The damage to my lower back and the chronic pain would make sleeping on the ground not only impossible but beyond a pain level tolerance that I can deal with. It really breaks my heart that we are not going and doing this because we all miss it so much. If they really said they wanted to go for example this weekend, I would go with them, I would try, but I think we all now that it would just be an experience that would probably ruin the entire weekend so no one really pursues our love for camping.
One of the other things that keeps us really busy in the summer is canning. We put up a lot of food during the summer, most often we are able to get enough of certain things canned and put up that we are good for the entire year on that item.
This summer has been no different than any other we still have to put that food up. It is done in our home for multiple reasons. It saves us money and it is better for us than eating all the crap they are putting in our food these days.
Have you ever read the labels on the food that you buy in the store? It bothers me to eat things that I can't even say the name of let alone knowing what it is. But this year putting up the food has been miserable. The amount of time, standing, sitting, cooking, cleaning and washing have really put my pain level to a point where I can hardly stand it.
Most years I do most of this work myself with my daughter helping so that she can learn how to do it. It is important to me that she knows how so when she is grown and has a family of her own she can do this for them as well.
We had food that had to be canned this weekend, it ended up being my husband, my daughter and my mother over here all helping me so that the work could get done. ...... And it makes me feel horrible.
My mom is nearing 70 years old and she has enough on her plate as it is, she doesn't need to be over here working on my jobs. With all the things she has going on, my father needs near constant care and she has her own canning to do, a house to clean her own list of chores that are a mile long just like mine. Once I get past the feeling of irritation that I have to interrupt her schedule and time to come help me I do enjoy the time while she is here. It is so great to have mom over, to laugh and talk or rant and rave, whatever it is that we are needing to do we can rely on the fact that the other is willing to listen and give advice. I think back to when I was a child and I was such a daddy's girl. I was always outside helping him with chores, build fences, cut wood, haul hay or taking care of the farm animals and working in the garden they had, and boy oh boy did they have a big garden. It was needed in order to feed all the hungry tummies that lived there. I don't regret the time I spent with my dad but I do regret not spending an equal amount of time with my mom. We also got in a very little bit or garage selling on Saturday and that was great! We had such a wonderful time!
So anyway back to the topic of canning. There was so much work to do and many do not understand my passion for it. Canning the food helps save money and as I said before it's better for us, but there is another reason above all others that I love to can our food. The smiles on the faces of my family as I make things for them and they taste it. The delight as they tell me that something I have done for them is so good or that they just love it. Watching my daughter who has a fascination for BlackBerry Jelly, lol, I think she has eaten about a pint of that all by herself. I love presenting food to my family and watching them enjoy eating it, it nearly melts my heart.
In order though, to not make my family feel bad while I'm working on the items for the day I have to sneak off to my room and take additional pain medication so that I can continue to stand or sit and work on the stuff. I have to try my best to maintain a smile and a pleasant attitude while I do a job that I used to do nearly alone and that now takes me five times longer to get done than it used to. If I allowed them to know how much pain I was/am in while trying to get this done I'm afraid it would take the pleasure of eating the foods away from them and I don't want to do that. Or maybe they would start telling me that they didn't really care for something so that I wouldn't try and get more done, no matter how much they liked said item.
It is funny how people who don't have to deal with CHP don't realize the sacrifices we make to provide simple basics for our families or to just make it through a day. I don't ever want someone to be crooning over me asking me every five minutes if I'm okay or if I need to sit down or let me do that for you, how frustrating is that. So I maintain a smile and do what I can and when I can do no more I just have to stop, often making things that would have taken a day before to get done taking three or four days now to get the same job done.
That being said I have one other soap box to climb up on today. I'm equally frustrated by people who have chronic pain and refuse to do anything. Why do they do that. Yes all the pain is frustrating and yes I get tired of it and yes sometimes the pain can put me down for two or three days, but why do nothing. If you are going to hurt sitting or laying down then why not be up and moving and do what you can, even if it does take longer? I can't understand people who think it's okay to just sit/lay around and let life pass them by or even better are the ones who think because they have chronic pain that everyone should bow down and take care of them, stop their lives and do what these types of people want. How can a person feel good about themselves and have a remotely positive outlook on life if life consists of nothing but pain MEDs, beds and chairs?
Most often I get upset with myself for staying up too long and when I sit down to take my shoes off I find that my brace, my shoe and my socks have cut into my swollen legs to the point that the skin on my ankle looks like a muffin stuffed in a sock. I have limitations for sure, I can't pick up much weight, I'm not supposed to stand or sit for too long and yes even bending over is something I've been told not to do or at least avoid it when I can, yet with all the limitations and all the pain I still search and seek for things I can do, things that make me a productive part of my family, things to help keep my mind busy, things to keep me moving. I'm scared that if I just stop trying that one day I will find myself sitting in a corner drooling down my own chin while family and friends try to avoid the leech who sucks the fun and life out of everyone around them. I don't want to be that kind of person.
Having damage that I know will get worse the older I get, knowing the possibility of losing the use of my legs is a shadow that follows me all the time waiting for the time and day to pounce on me and knowing that there could be a short amount of time left that I can stand at my stove and fix something nice for my family helps to keep me going during the canning season. I wish for others that I know who have chronic pain or think they have chronic pain that I could get them to embrace my thought process, get them to get up and move, to do something/anything instead of sitting around or sleeping all day or better yet getting as many needs as they can from their doctor in hopes that if they take enough drugs it will make the pain go away or waiting for the day when the doctor will give them that one "miracle" drug that will make things all better. I've found during the course of treating my damage that there is no magic pill out there. There are pills they could give me that would make my mind totally unaware of the pain my body feels but those pills would have me sleeping twenty four seven or have me so zoned out that it would be impossible for me to take part in life/living. I don't want to be that way, I don't want to miss life with my family. My medication is set up to take the edge off of my pain and the remainder has to be taken care of my not being stupid and doing way too much (okay so that has happened to me more than once, I'm of course a natural blonde and I might be a tad bit stubborn)
The accident and the damage to my back have left me with this chronic pain, a lifetime worth of issues.
It has taken so much away from me that I refuse to let it take everything away from me without a fight!
