Hate making choices!

Today has been pondered for some time now. Mother and I like to go to auctions and we certainly have gone to  a lot of them. Last week we went to a Chicken auction. It was quite amazing as they have more than chickens there. We did manage to come home with two Lion Head bunnies, 2 months old, for my daughter.While we had a wonderful time it was overshadowed by knowing what was to come............PAIN. More pain than normal, anything I do that takes very long is going to make my situation even worse. I knew it would happen but sometimes you just have to go ahead and do a thing or you will continue to go down hill mentally. I have noticed in this past year that I'm becoming a lot more reclusive than I used to be and I don't like it.

So we went and it was fun and I followed that event up by being down for 3 days I think it was. Today there is an Amish Vegetable Auction and mom and I are going to that. This is one of those things where I can opt to not go because I know what it will do to me, but at the same time in order to help with our grocery bill I try to can as much stuff as I can for the coming year. My blessing in that area is that its as important to my husband and daughter as it is to me. I'll brag on my daughter a bit here because there are not many 11 yr old girls who know to make and can salsa, but she got 8 quarts done lsst night while I did the Corn relish. Watching her learn and doing things that will make her eat healthier foods and save money makes the pain cost for today acceptable.

Better get off of here. By the way I see each day how many of you are reading my posts. It would be nice if you would comment so I could talk to you. We may find we have a lot in common evn if you live in Russia and I'm here. :)

Have a great day.

What our thoughts do to us!

I know that when we deal with CHP (chronic pain) that aside from talking to God and listening to what he has to say, this is the next best thing. I know that when I let my thoughts start going downhill about this is wrong and that is wrong and so on I start getting really low. Sometimes I've even allowed a combination of my CHP and thoughts get me down so far that it has literally taken me days to claw my way back to the surface and act right again. My thoughts have allowed me to get so down that I've stayed in bed, not eaten for days and only gotten up on occasion to take a bathroom break. It's just no way to live our lives no matter what is going on.

Fun or Pain, what to do?

Today I had to make a choice. My daughter has been wanting and outdoor game for three years now called Ladder Ball. Really there isn't much to the game at all, you have two small balls on a string and you toss them at a "ladder" depending on the rung you hit determines your score.

I finally broke down today and bought the game for her. She has three brothers but they are grown adults and don't live at home so she has no one to "play" with. So knowing better than to do it hubby and I went out to play the game with her. Now my right leg and back hurt so bad I can hardly stand it. The upside to that is that she had a blast, it was good to see her laugh and play and just have fun like a kid should.

It's terrible for her that my disability has affected her so much. I've hated for her to be out of school for the summer. We live in a rural area so it's not like friends can just walk over to our house for a visit or anything like that. It's terrible when children are made to grow up to fast for things they have no control over. She has been a jewel through all of this and has rarely ever complained about anything.

God blessed us in giving her to us to be our daughter. Someday I'm going to find a way to make this up to her. I don't know when or how, but I'm going to find a way. It's not that I feel I owe her nor does she feel that way either, I just have a desire to do something really special for her for all she has given up gracefully to grow up faster than she needed to and to be such a help around the home.

I do hope though that as she grows up and moves on with her life that she doesn't look back and regret her childhood, that would destroy me.

Today has been a horrid day, despite meds I feel horrible.

I've waited three years to start getting my payout from Workmans Comp. It was supposed to be here on the 13th and huge shocker, NOTHING! Contacted my lawyer and he is like oh just hang on it will be here. Bet you money if he went three years without an income he wouldn't be so thoughtless about it.

To buy the corn or not to buy the corn.

I'm happy to say that today is one of my better days. My body is irritated with me a bit because I haven't been to sleep since last night before last, but that happens often. I guess someday I will get used to that and it won't bother me so much.

Got a phone call from a man today that has sweet corn for sale. He is doing me a favor by lowering the price to $2 a dozen if I get 25 dozen at one time. I love fresh corn and being able to put that up in the freezer but I don't know if my body can handle getting 25 dozen ears of corn ready for the freezer. I know that hubby, daughter and mother would help me with it but still, that is a lot.

I suppose my blog seems like I'm always complaining and really that is not the kind of person I am, but these are the things that happen that really upset me. Three years ago I wouldn't have had to think about this, the answer would have been yes and probably I would have taken 50 dozen but now I have to stop and say okay, I know I can freeze that and put it up. It's better for my family and it most certainly tastes better, but can my body handle this? Corn is just one of those things, once picked it needs to be blanched, cut and put up as fast as possible. It's not like doing the jams or jelly where you can do some today and some tomorrow, it just doesn't work that way.

Well guess I better get off of here and decide what I'm going to do. I have to get a hold of mother before I can make any decision. Isn't that horrible, I'm 47 yrs old and I have to wait to get a hold of mommy before I can decide what I'm going to do.

I don't mean that hateful toward my mother, she is one of the most loving and caring individuals I have ever known. There is nothing in this world she wouldn't do for me if she could and I love her for that.

I'm really getting off of here now if I talk about this any more I'm going to work myself into a deeper depression.

I hope you all are doing well today. Take care and get the most you can out of this day.

Need to fire Mr. Sandman and WC!

It's three thirty in the morning, I'm so exhausted and sore it's not even funny. So why am I not in the bed sleeping, because Mr. Sandman decided to skip my house again tonight I guess. I'm going to fire him for failure to perform his job duties well or at all.

I hate this more than anything because it reduces my ability to deal with the CHP the next day and often turns me into an unbearable grouch.

I feel so sorry for my family. I often wish they would just pack their bags and leave then they wouldn't have to put up with all this crap from me.

This stupid accident not only trashed my life but it has made the rest of my family make changes in the way they live their lives and it seems so unfair.

Sent another letter to my lawyer today, WC still has not approved my medication and it's been nearly a month now. Don't I have any rights? Don't I have the right to not be treated this way? Or is it because WC doesn't have to follow any laws or rules they can just do whatever they want to do? It certainly seems that way. After waiting this long AGAIN for a medication approval I'm certain that a year from now we will still be fighting with them to get a lift in my automobile so that I can take my power chair places with me where I can't stand to walk all day.

The state fair is coming up and if we don't figure out something I will be unable to attend because there is no way I can walk through all of that. I'm really going to be upset if I have to miss it because WC wants to drag their feet on doing anything that might be helpful to me.

Guess I'm ready to get off my soap box for tonight and try to go back to bed and hopefully get some sleep.

The limitations of CHP and Depression

I love the summer so much, even though we are having a triple digit heat here. The gardens are so beautiful and the produce is so yummy. (Isn't that a nice adult word to use lol)

Summer also makes me sad for the things that are so hard for me to do now. We got a few batches of jelly made the other day and I really need to work on some relish, make pound cake and make bread today but there is no way my body will allow me to get all that done.

It's no wonder people with CHP (my initials for Chronic Pain because I'm tired of typing that word) fight depression. A mere 3 years ago I canned 8 cases of tomatoes in one day and now I have to decide if I'm going to make one thing or the other.

Lawyers and Insurance companies simply do not understand that there is so  much more to CHP than the constant pain. If they had any idea of what we go through they simply would not treat us the way they do. I turned in a change in my medication on June 15, 2012 and as of today it still has not been approved. Exactly how long does the insurance company think it is okay to make us go without the MEDs