One of the things that is very aggravating to me is new pain. How are we supposed to know if this new pain is just a side effect of the chronic pain we have all the time or if it is a new issue rearing its ugly head in our lives.

My chronic pain involved damage to my lower back which in turn has done damage to the large nerve cluster there. Its effects run down both of my legs and is causing them to go numb.

I feel a little sense of freedom in this blog especially right now since hardly anyone is coming to read it. Here I can complain about my pain, here I can cry in writing over not understanding why this had to happen and here I can pretend that others who really do understand chronic pain are reading and understanding my feelings.

My husband is the most awesome man in the world. There is nothing he won't do for me and I love him for that. He has been by my side through all of this and has been very understanding and while I can talk to him about anything he can and does listen but he doesn't understand.

I compared this lack of understanding one time to when I was pregnant with my first son. The doctor (man) used to tell me at every visit that he understood how I felt and that if he could he would take my load for a day and give me some rest.

Well for starters there  is NO WAY a man understands being pregnant and the only reason he offered to take my load for a day was because he knew it was impossible for him to do so. Why would a man even attempt to tell a woman he knows how she feels or that he understands her feelings of being pregnant. He hasn't a clue and the same holds true for those who don't suffer from chronic pain.

People see us out and about and our bodies look "normal" to them. They cannot see any damage, there are no physical signs that scream out loud that there is something wrong with us. I think most people tend to put us in a group of crybabies that have an issue in our heads, not in our bodies.

I don't blame others for the things they think, they can't help that they don't understand. That is why every day for the sake of my family I put on a smile and pretend that life is all good to the best of my ability for that day. Whatever I can do so that they are not constantly looking at me wondering if I'm okay in that moment or not. It's tiresome but I do it for them.

Okay enough of my whining for now. I need to get off of here, get dressed, put on my smile and head to town with the family.